Four Brothers feat. M. Wahlberg, T. Gibson, A. Benjamin, G. Hedlund

This is what summer movies are all about. Action, witty dialogue, interesting heroes, and over-the-top villains. Four Brothers is the story of the Mercer boys, four adopted kids who are reunited by the death of their mother, Evelyn. She was a saintly lady who took kids in off the streets,making her cold blooded murder all the more shocking and mysterious. Bobby, Angel, Jeremiah, and Jack are the worst of the worst, delinquents who would probably all be on death row if not for the intervention of Evelyn Mercer. When they start shaking down the criminal lowlifes to try to get some answers, they discover that there is more to the death of their mother than they realize. As is prerequisite in this genre, the criminal connections involved go from powerful drug lords all the way up to city hall.

Four Brothers is a strictly formulaic anti-hero movie. None of the plot twists come as major surprises, but the characters are intriguing enough to keep your interest throughout the film. The relationship of the foul-mouthed, fighting Mercer boys is very well detailed, from Bobby's unreformed thuggishness, to Angel's unrepentant horniness, to little Jack's scrappiness, to Jeremiah's fully reformed family man. As the boys come closer to solving the crime, the intensity ratchets up, and the laundry list of action movie scenarios plays out: Shootouts, shakedowns, car chases, and a gleefully insane arch-villain played by Hotel Rwanda's Chiwetel Ejiofor.

When formula fails, disaster occurs (i.e. - Stealth) When formula writing is done properly, it's a beautiful thing, and Four Brothers delivers the goods.

4.5 out of 5 stars

The Grudge feat. SM Gellar, T Raimi, B Pullman, Y Ozeki (The creepiest child alive!)

Prior to beginning the review, I have to say that this movie once again proves Japan's mastery of economy and efficiency over Americans. This year, for Halloween, Japanese families don't need to buy a single thing for costumes. They merely have to give their young sons bowl-haircuts and stand them on someone's porch, ring the doorbell, and run. When the unsuspecting house dweller opens the door, the kid only needs to stare at them, eyes wide open, and say nothing. If the person has seen The Grudge, chances are they will be throwing candy, their wallets, some curses, and anything they can think of to get the Hellspawn off their porch.

This movie is a remake of Takashi Shimizu's Japanese film Ju-On (low budget, but equally creepy) with much better effects. It's nice to see Hollywood throw money at a project and not get in the way of a director's vision. The movie does have some faults, and leaves some loose ends that aren't nicely tied up. But that's not what this movie is intended to do. It's intended to unsettle you and scare the crap out of you, and at the sold out show I attended, it succeeded with flying colors.

The story has multiple arcs centering around an innocuous house in the Japanese burbs. But of course, something awful has happened here. The presence of the evil committed lingers on and assaults anyone who dares to cross the threshold of the house. Think of it as The Sixth Sense without the comforting ending. This version does rely on jump scares a little too often (but what the Hell, they work, and they're very creepy). Ju-On was at its best when it ignored American horror rules. Just because the ghost is in the room, the music doesn't have to change, the bimbo passing through the room doesn't even have to notice the presence. The Grudge brings some of these moments back, but leans heavily on the old "...did I hear a noise upstairs? Should I get help, or just take my cigarette lighter upstairs into the drafty attic to investigate?" scene. Much of the back story seems hastily filled in. This movie didn't creep me out quite as much as Ringu, but it was plenty creepy.

Judging by the trailers before the film, Hollywood is now in love with Japanese-style horror, and frankly it's about damn time. I don't know what exactly goes on in the psyche of the collective population in Japan, but if one were to judge a nation on its horror films, one would say that America loves breast implants and latex gore, where as Japan loves... well, Japan is just plain F'ed up. If you love being scared, see this film. And then, as I did, you will leave evil messages on people's machines consisting of nothing more than a throat gargle... yes. Throat gargle. The most evil sound of 2004.
Four & 1/2 out of Five stars

Team America: World Police. Feat. T. Parker, M. Stone, Supermarionation!

In the immortal words of Homer Simpson, "It works on so many levels!"
Social commentary. Political commentary. Toilet humor. Crude sex jokes.
Did I mention cinematography? There are some truly astounding dolly shots and crane shots in this movie, and the special effects... superb! Better than anything action movie that's come along in a while, and it's easy to see why. It's all real. Every explosion, every dismemberment, each incident of spewed blood, or vomit, or guts, truly makes the film better and better.

I truly believe the only way this film experience could be enhanced is with a marathon viewing of Navy SEALS, Iron Eagle, Top Gun, Armageddon, and any film featuring Van Damme or Michael Dudikoff. Team America, the world's most elite freedom fighters, trot around the globe bringing justice to terrorists. At any cost. Even if it means doing more damage than the terrorists could have dreamed. When one of the members is killed (in a glorious slow-motion ballet of death), the team must recruit a new member. What better place to look than Broadway?

They find Gary, the lead actor in Lease: the Musical (featuring the showstopping number "Everyone has AIDS"). He's brought on to act like a terrorist so he can infiltrate their ranks and learn where the bombs are. Along the way, he falls in love (and has raunchy puppet sex that should be required viewing), undergoes intense "reconstructive surgery" to disguise himself, and manages to save the world. Or does he?

His efforts to stop the terrorists of Durkdurkistan only serve the efforts of evil mastermind Kim Jong-Il (yes. THAT Kim Jong-Il). Kim is a "ronery" dictator, hellbent on the destruction of freedom and justice. Only team America, replete with their stock characters, can stop him. The team goes through the requisite scenarios:
1. They meet. New guy is awkwardly accepted by most.
2. He decides not to join. He discovers the fabric of America, and changes his mind. (to the Toby Keith-like tune "Freedom costs a buck oh-five")
3. Gary joins the team and they destroy a terrorist cell, along with most of Cairo.
4. Gary learns his actions have caused bigger problems. The team has inner turmoil and breaks up.
5. Without Gary, the team falls apart. They are captured.
6. Gary learns the unlikliest of lessons from a drunk in a bar. There are three kinds of people...
7. Gary vomits.
8. And vomits.
9. And vomits.
10. He returns to the team, just in time to save the world.

I hesitate to go into too many plot details, because the movie is packed with jokes, and I don't want to spoil any major surprises. There are numerous "cameos" from celebrities, and sight gags and in-jokes aplenty. I will see this movie again. It's my patriotic duty.

You'll leave the theater humming the title tune, "America: Fuck Yeah!" It's the kind of thing that makes you want to pledge an oath of loyalty to join Team America. Until you realize what that oath entails. See the movie and you'll understand.

Five out of five stars.

Shaun of the Dead: feat. S Pegg, K Ashfield, N Frost

Zombies. They're probably the least threatening of any movie monster. Once you get past the "How do you kill what's already dead?" debate, and sheer number of them, how difficult are they? They're slow. They're stupid. They deserve to be made fun of.

Shaun of the Dead delivers every cliche seen in every zombie movie ever made: It begins on a regular day in the neighborhood. First friends, then loved ones are affected. Everyone must run to a safe location, where they are inevitably surrounded and forced to make a last stand/escape attempt. It's the best zombie movie I've ever seen. And the funniest zombie story since the Simpsons Treehouse of Horror episode.

Shaun is a lovable loser who's having a bad day, working a crappy job, getting dumped by his girl, and of course, his day is about to get much worse. Along with his trusted flatmate, Shaun must venture across London to save his Mum, his girl, and find a way to get back to his nowhere life. There's none of the desperate survivalism seen in 28 Days Later or the recent Dawn of the Dead remake. Instead, the zombies become therapeutic for everyone. Heads are bashed in with abandon, cars are stolen, bodies are run over (inducing the classic line "...are you all right?"), and Shaun and his mates get to work out their aggressions under the guise of saving humanity.

The movie never slips into outright slapstick parody, and it's obvious the cast and crew have some love for the subject matter. There are fantastically gory moments, the political and social commentary is universally funny, and there are even a few emotionally weighted scenes that no American director would dare to put into such a film.

Please forgive the forthcoming pun, but I'm not sure if I'll be reviewing any more zombie films in the near future.
Ahem.
Trying to decide whether or not to see Shaun of the Dead? It's a no-brainer.
Ugh.

5 out of 5 stars

Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow: feat. J Law, G Paltrow, A Jolie

Seeing the preview for this film gave me hope. It’s the best way to express it. An action movie in the style of Indiana Jones, set a roaring twenties-esque world, with dames, guns, bullets, and bombs. And giant robots. Heck, if Sky Captain would have had a sidekick monkey mascot, I would have given the film five stars based on the preview alone.

Alas, there were no monkeys.

But the movie was fun. The visual style was a bit distracting at times. I’ve never been a big fan of extensive green screen work, especially when it’s as noticeable as it can be here. Some of it works to great effect, giving the film a soft-lit, hand-painted feel, like watching a classic comic come to life. And sometimes, the actors imaginations weren’t living up to the visuals. How else to explain the relative calm with which Sky Captain and his cohorts watched massive explosions, death, and destruction? Perhaps it was a lack of explanation from the director.

The story needed work as well. A classic rule of thumb in action movies is that the villain must always be more entertaining than the hero. Look at the Nicholson’s unhinged Joker, Prowse and Jones’s ominous Darth Vader, That One Guy’s Mola Ram. You’ve gotta hate the bad guy. Laugh at his madness! Thrill at his cruelty! Wish unspeakable horrors upon him! Unfortunately, you don’t see the villain in this film. You see his mindless automatons. While they are imposing at first, they do little to make you feel any empathy for the heroes.

The performances saved this film. Jude Law and Gwyneth Paltrow walked a fine line between homage and scenery chewing with their “Gee-Johnny” delivery. And Angelina Jolie looked really hot, even with an eyepatch. They’re already talking sequel, and more Jolie, which should bolster sales.

Ultimately, the film pops along at a pace that should satisfy most hyperactive children, but will leave adults happily wondering where the plot was.

4 out of 5 stars

Alien vs. Predator feat. um...Aliens. and Predators.

This one will be short folks. I wish the movie had been as well.
As a kid, I remember the little snippet at the end of Predator 2 (not a classic in its own right), where the inside of the Predator's ship had an Alien skull mounted on the wall. It was a great touchstone for debate. Who would win? How would they fight?
And the movie is here now, and my only question is: who cares?
Freddy vs. Jason played with genre boundaries, backstories, and fan loyalties. AvP merely played with special effects. The story may have worked nicely in a graphic novel, but on screen, it fell apart for me. Sorry to be a spoiler here, but when the movie turns into a father/daughter hunting trip for Predator and his newly adopted human female, the movie nosedives past camp and into schlock. Had I seen this for free, I would have enjoyed it. Some special effects will grab your attention, but I defy anyone to deeply describe their favorite moments from this film thirty minutes after leaving the theater.
The tagline for the movie is right on the money: Whoever wins, we lose.

2 out of 5 stars.

Metallica: Some Kind of Monster. feat: Metallica, Bob Rock

This is possibly the greatest rock documentary ever made. For 20 years, Metallica has been, as ex-guitarist Dave Mustaine so drunkenly put it, shoving "metal up your ass!" The movie's title becomes a theme: The band itself has become some kind of monster. Babes, boozing, and brawling, the band, led by James Hetfield and Lars Ulrich, have left a path of destruction across the rock industry and the concert going public.
And here's where the movie gets fun:
What happens when it all gets old? This movie is, literally, a rock n' roll mid-life crisis. Originally planned as a "making of the album" documentary, the film chronicles Metallica getting caught in the train wreck of the past two decades. Jason Newstead has left the band, citing creative differences, ego battles, and burnout. They've brought on a therapist to help the band resolve their issues and move forward. Longtime producer Bob Rock has picked up the bass duties as the band packs up and moves into The Presidio, an old army base near San Francisco.
The setting is apropos, because the band is about to go to war. Lars and James are at each other's throats. The music is feeling stale. And it becomes painfully clear, with each passing scene, that something is boiling beneath the surface of James Hetfield, threatening to destroy him. James and the band both reach their breaking point at the same time, and he disappears into rehab for alcohol and "other issues" for six months. The band makes a momentous and fortunate decision: they keep the cameras rolling. What follows is an amazing story of a legendary band returning from the brink. From pounding out the hits to confronting their therapist (who is slowly forcing his way into the band's lives as a permanent fixture), to taking time out for fan appreciation, and finally, to getting James back on track, they just don't stop. When new bassist Robert Trujillo is finally selected to join the band, his energy is infectious, and the Metallica turns the corner. His presence breathes fire into the band, and you can feel the monster come back to life. The finish of the movie is nothing short of triumphant, and even if you're not a Metallica fan, you'll be cheering and pounding out the bass lines with your feet. (The grey-haired old man next to me was rockin' hard during the finale).
What I loved the most about the movie was the insight into the humanness of the band. They're all family men now, raising children and growing as musicians. Kirk Hammett is probably the most enjoyable to watch in the movie, as he becomes the child trapped between the warring parents (James and Lars). I left with a deeper appreciation of what drives Lars. His battles with Napster left rock fans thinking of him as an ego-driven, money-hungry sellout. The movie fills in the blanks, allowing the audience to understand what drives him, to see his passion for art.
This movie has my vote for documentary of the year. Only Metallica would have the balls to let someone look this closely at their lives, and we're all better off because of it.

Rating: 5 out of 5 stars! ROCK!