Rogue Angel:Destiny by Alex Archer

You can't judge a book by its cover. This series looked to be a bunch of pulpy fun from the covers. All action! Intrigue! Danger!
Lies!
This is perhaps one of the worst books I've ever read. The story was almost interesting. Joan of Arc's sword was shattered as she burned at the stake, the pieces scattered across Europe. A man named Roux, sworn to protect her, has lived for 500 years (we're not quite sure why) trying to rebuild it.
Enter Lara Croft...er, Annja Creed, 20-something adventuring archaeologist. She finds the missing piece while running for her life from two thugs (we're not quite sure why - there's a thin thread of plot here, but it's nearly invisible). Roux tricks her out of the piece and completes the sword, but nothing happens. Until Annja touches it, that is. Then it reforms and disappears. She discovers she's able to reach out to the sword and summon it from the ether at will! Is she related to Joan of Arc? We're not quite sure! It's her DESTINY! Several hundred pages of video game description masked as plot follow, with an ending so patched together it's not just an excuse for a sequel, it's the promise of more bad things to come.

Gold Eagle Books, the publisher, is somehow related to Harlequin, which had me concerned I may have inadvertently picked up a bodice-ripper. If you translate heaving loins and quivering bodies to explosions and karate, you'd have this paint-by-numbers fiasco. I think it was written by a thirteen year old.

Where to start? There's a scene where Annja trains at a boxing gym that becomes almost a verbatim rip-off of Million Dollar Baby, right down to the kindly old retired black boxer stepping into the ring to fight the brash young black boxer. There's an evil monk, just like in Da Vinci Code! There's evil Frenchmen with evil names, just like Johnny Quest! And then there's the prose so bad you have to read it twice to make sure you don't need glasses (These are direct quotes, italics mine for emphasis):

"She swung the sword, cutting through Lesauvage's pistol before he could fire, hitting the barrel and knocking the weapon off target."

Huh? Cutting through it AND hitting it? How?

One of my favorites from page 311:
"A waterfall of glistening water poured into the lower cave."

Yes, not just ANY waterfall... this one was made...of WATER!

And lastly (because I really could do this all night, but don't want to waste much more time on this pile), my absolute favorite:

"The motorcycle went airborne. Throwing her body sideways, Annja turned it with her, performing a tabletop aerial maneuver she'd seen on X Games."
I kid you not, see it for yourself on p 337. This is a woman described as an attractive TV host who, throughout the book, has unjustified knowledge in: firearms, marksmanship, offroad motocross, karate, and boxing. Archer tries to tack it all together with: the sword - the DESTINY! Who knows how she gets these powers? Did I mention Annja was raised by nuns and doesn't know who her parents are? Or that she's forced to deal with an evil police sergeant in France? Or her unrequited love for an NYC cop who drops by to tell her he's getting married (this after she emails him a picture of a fingerprint she lifted so he can run a match. EMAILS! ARE YOU KIDDING? The file would have to be huge just to get the detail necessary...GAH!!!)
I have to stop now before I tear the cover off this book. Truly, truly horrible.