Playing the Moldovans at Tennis by Tony Hawks

Tony Hawks (the British comedian, not the skateboarder Tony Hawk) has made somewhat of a name for himself by staging drunken bar bets. Well, that's not entirely true. Apparently he's quite popular in the Queen's country, but I've only read about his drunken exploits (see my review of Hawks's Round Ireland with a Fridge). In this book, while watching a soccer match with his friend, Hawks gets into a discussion of athleticism with a friend. Are athletes natural sportsmen, or is their skill strictly the result of hard training and dedication? At the pro level, sure, but could, say, a soccer player from Moldova beat a British comedian at tennis?

Hawks finds himself facing a trip to Moldova (what? You've never heard of Moldova?) to play their national team in singles tennis. The winner gets the glory. The loser of the bet must sing the Moldovan national anthem on the street in front of the bar. Stark naked. Ah, yes the stakes were high, but Hawks is an eternal optimist. It's difficult not to be inspired by his stories, as he just simply won't take no for an answer.

This story becomes less about tennis and more about the sorry state of affairs in Moldova as Hawks is confronted with corrupt government officials, corrupt businessmen, starving citizens, and corrupt executives. Moldova is a country whose spirit still seems crushed under the weight of the Iron Curtain. Hawks does his best to bring some cheer, but is lucky to escape with his sanity (and possibly, his physical well-being).

His jaunt around the world comes full circle, as he must return to the UK to finish his quest. It's not so much playing the Moldovans at tennis that's difficult. It's arranging for them to actually arrive at the game. There are double-crosses, cliffhangers, and the ghosts of aspiring pianists. And in the end, most importantly, nudity.