Island of the Sequined Love Nun by Christopher Moore

Christopher Moore is a big, lovable goofball. Island of the Sequined Love Nun is sort of a big, lovable, goofball Indiana Jones meets Lost kind of story. It starts innocently enough, when Tucker Case, dashingly handsome geek, gets drunk and has sex on a private jet with a hooker. Unfortunately, Tuck doesn't pay much attention to his instruments... (insert pun about the hooker paying attention to his instruments here... as a matter of fact, insert pun about "insert pun") Where was I? Tuck is low on fuel, and his plane comes in just short of the runway. Which is a nice way of saying that Tuck experiences what is possibly the most Michael Bay-like fiery case of coitus interruptus ever seen in literature. And also, one of the grisliest injuries to manhood outside of a Bret Easton Ellis novel.

Through a quirk of fate (one of Moore's greatest standard operating devices) Tuck ends up working for a mysterious benefactor who offers to let him fly deliveries for him from the Micronesian island of Alualu. Here, Tuck is briefly kidnapped by cannibals before becoming the indentured servant of a mad scientist/missionary doctor. Here, of course, is where the fun starts. The natives of the island are a cargo cult. In other words, they were visited during World War II by American fighter pilots whom they began to worship as deities. The first plane they came into contact with, the Sky Priestess, is now the central figure of their religion. The Missionary Doctor and his wife exploit this by putting on elaborate (and sexy!) shows for the natives, denying them fun if they have displeased the Sky Priestess, and offering them rewards (People magazine and coffee) if they're good. Occasionally, a lucky native gets "chosen". This elevates them above all others as they are singled out by the Sky Priestess.

Of course, I've left out the cross-dressing ex-prostitute boat navigator, the talking fruitbat, the ghost of an army pilot, a heavenly game of cards, some interesting views on the questionable amorous activities of cannibal cargo cults, deception, ninjas, and money laundering.

Reading Christopher Moore's books is, I imagine, a bit like sitting down at a bar with Chris while he gets drunk and you ask him to tell you a story about something. This is a good thing, and here's to more.

Porno by Irvine Welsh

Whae widna enjae a Barry book that eh could read thigither wi eh's bairns on a nippy night?
All right, I'll stop there. It would be nice to write an entire review in Irvine Welsh's phonetic Scot style, but it's too much work for my wee brain.

Porno is sort of the "Very Brady Christmas Reunion" of the gang from Trainspotting. Wonder what Rents and Sick Boy have been up to? Need to know how Franco Begbie has been holding up in jail? Is Spud still a half-baked halfwit? Ten years have passed, and scarcely a lesson has been learned among the Leith schemers. Mark Renton, having handily escaped at the end of Trainspotting with the goods, has moved on to Amsterdam, where he's become a club owner. Spud Murphy is a twelve-stepper looking to set his life right. Simon "Sick Boy" Williamson is back in Leith doing what he does best, looking to run a new scheme. Everybody's favorite badass, Begbie, has just been released from prison. And nobody has broken their cycle of addiction. Spud is still finding hits here and there. Sick Boy has replaced heroin with cocaine. Rents is chasing after an ever-elusive domesticity, and Begbie still likes to kick the crap out of anyone who gets in his way.

The fun begins when Simon acquires a pub from an aunt who's leaving the country. He quickly discovers that he can use the place as a drug running station. But this is merely a stepping stone. Simon's friend "Juice" Terry talks him into using the bar for a true money-making enterprise: a stag film factory. Of course, Simon has far grander plans. He quickly ramps the slipshod handicam sleaze productions into full blown adult entertainment. Bigger sets. Better equipment. Even scripts. This is the backdrop for the A,B,C and D stories. Spud meets Simon and accidentally lets a dirty secret slip: Rents has paid him his share of the loot from the Trainspotting caper, but nobody else. Simon is furious. He plots revenge on Renton, but first plans to use him to aid production of the film. Begbie learns of Renton's treachery (with a little homoerotic bait to further enrage him, courtesy of Simon), and is intent on killing Renton. Spud is trying to turn his life around and win back his wife and child, while writing a history of Leith in his spare time. Add to the mix Nikki Fuller, a college student/massage parlor girl with low self-esteem and questionable moral judgment. The plots weave and separate as the film goes through drafts, production, and finally winds up at the Cannes Adult Film Festival.

It would take several pages to outline the plot of the book and do it any real justice. Suffice it to say that Welsh is up to his old tricks here. It's not for the faint of heart, and certainly not for the prudish. There are some truly heartbreaking moments in this book, some laugh out loud moments, and more than enough cringe moments. One of my favorite moments in the book combines all three. Spud's take on his rejection from a publisher: The letter says the book is "not quite what they're looking for at the moment". Ever-hopeful Spud calls the publisher and says :"...ye says that ye dinnae want it at the moment. So tae me that means thit ye might want it later. So, likes, when is it thit ye think ye might want it?"

Welsh does what he does best: pushes buttons and pushes boundaries. The fate of the boys plays out amidst murder, rape, near overdoses, booze, romance, politics, drugs, drugs, and drugs. It's a love, story, a crime story, a mystery, and a romance as only Irvine Welsh could tell it.

The Coyote Kings of the Space Age Bachelor Pad by Minister Faust

One look at the title sums up the feel of the book. It's about being a badass. And it's about being a geek. Canadian author Minister Faust has concocted a Fanboy's dream world: two freewheeling bachelor's in an eclectic town, their lives going nowhere, are propelled into the Grand Mythical Quest, complete with the Mysterious Sexy Woman, the Evil Demonic Gang, the Smirking Evil Geniuses... etc.

Yehat and Hamza are two geeky guys sharing an apartment and trying to find their place in the world. Yehat is the sarcastic techno-geek, working throughout the story on a mechanical exoskeleton known as R-Mer, and Hamza is the philosophical Han-Solo rebel type, with the uncanny ability to locate things. The two hate their jobs, but try to enjoy life in their eclectic Alberta community by giving back. They're heroes on their own block, running a summer camp for kids, and generally being Good People. All of this, of course, is drastically upset when the beautiful Sherem arrives in their lives. Unknown to them, she's on a quest for a mysterious object of power, and she's not the only one. Ye and Ham's childhood arch nemeses Heinz and Kevlar Meaney are also after the power, as are the demonic Fanboys, a gang of mutant superhumans. And this is pretty much the first hundred or so pages of the book. The plot twists come at light speed, as do the pop culture references and great new catchphrases you'll be dying to try out (i.e. jimp-O-matic). Amidst all of the action, the characters actually take time to live. You get the full weight of their quest and its consequences rather than one mindless action scene after another.

To call Coyote Kings a rollercoaster ride is to call Space Mountain an amusement of sorts. Some might say the book is full of stock characters. I prefer to say it plays on archetypes. There are plenty of elements of Joseph Campbell's Heroic Structure here, and they work perfectly well thank you very much. There's a reason this story structure has survived through the ages: it just happens to be one of the most satisfying journeys to read. The ending is not very concrete, and feels a little slipshod, but I'm sure the sequel will tie the loose ends together nicely. After all, this is great sci-fi franchise material. There must be a sequel, a movie, a video game, etc. This book deserves all of that and more. Hopefully Faust will be able to magnify the strengths of this book and minimize some of the flaws in pacing and plot and produce a sequel that surpasses the original. In the meantime, if you love comics, sci-fi, action movies, monster movies, Tarantino movies, blaxploitation movies, fantasy movies, D & D, TokyoPop Lit, or Indiana Jones-style adventure, you owe it to yourself to pick up this book.