On with the Show!

So, finally, I'm having something small produced here in L.A. With professional actors even! If you're in the area, come to The Complex Theater on Wednesday night, June 29th at 9PM as

Asses, Elephants, and Artists presents Under the Gun: Rites of Passage!
including...
Magic in the Seventh Inning Stretch by Michael Paul Gonzalez

It will be a series of 8 short plays, it's $10 at the door, and it's all kinds of fun. So go go go!
Pardon my redundancy, but the info is as follows:
The Complex's Ruby Theater
6476 Santa Monica Blvd.
Hollywood, CA
Wednesday, June 29th, 9:00 p.m.Tickets $10 at the door

In other news...
Wedding music is almost all done and ready to go, and we're going to have some fun surprises for everyone. It will certainly be an event to remember.

Oh the places you'll go and the things you'll see!

Every time I think I can't be surprised by the things I find in Los Angeles, something comes along to shock me. And further, I never have my camera at the ready when I need it. You see, I enjoy hiking in Griffith Park, the nation's largest city park, and one of my favorite spots in L.A.
I thought I had hit the height of weirdness when, while hiking one day, my fiancee and I were approached by a large, fully armed and armored legion of Roman Soldiers. This was near the summit of Mount Hollywood. It turned out to be these guys, Legion VI, a historical re-enactment society.

What could be better than that? A mile and a half up the mountain today, we rounded the bend to see a nurse. Well, really, a sexy nurse. She had on a white mini skirt and half shirt and big heels. Then, a few more feet down the road, we see a construction worker. Now I'm starting to think we've stumbled onto a porno shoot. A few more feet, and it gets even better: another sexy nurse (this one of the fine ebony variety), and a Doctor sporting a wild 'fro and sunglasses. It's gotta be a porno, right? A few more feet, and under the shade of a tree, it's a fully grown man in an owl suit with an orange safety vest, and a guy in a bad blonde shag wig who looks like a cross between Legolas Greenleaf from Lord of the Rings and Maynard G. Krebs. It's a film shoot, all right. Just not a porno. I think. We didn't stop to ask. We should have taken pictures. The elf/archer was also the director, waxing Keanu Reeves-like to his cast and cameraman about how much someone loved the scenes they had already shot. And of course, I stopped to reflect that if these guys can find a way to make whatever this thing is, there's no way I can fail out here. No freakin' way.
PS: if you have any idea what this film is about or when it's premiering, please let me know.

The innocence of Michael Jackson! Or... lack of convicting evidence! or something...

Hey! It's all over now! Michael Jackson's not guilty! I feel bad for several reasons: Either we just took a saintly millionaire who helps poor children and absolutely dragged his name through the sewer, thus ruining his life, or we took an insane millionaire and let him off the hook for ruining the lives of others. Either way, the whole thing was horrible.

What will the media do with themselves? Cover:
the war?
The shadowy and oft-evil Bush cabal?
Steroids in baseball?
Liberal conspiracies?

The answer is the same as the answer to the question of whether Brad and Angelina had an affair: They don't give a shit, as long as enough people are watching. They would have Nancy Grace eating puppies live on the air if it guaranteed ratings. As it is, she has to do it off-air in the corner of her dressing room.

You know, some say this trial has taken a toll on Michael Jackson. Not me. I think he looks just as healthy and hearty as ever...



Boy... Michael Jackson hasn't changed a bit, has he?

And if you think I'm just mentioning Michael Jackson a lot to increase my blog's visibility online through blog search engines, well, you're wrong. I think the Michael Jackson trial is a cultural landmark. Especially for Michael Jackson fans. Not to mention others who are in the news, like Brad Pitt, Tom Cruise, Oprah, and Saddam Hussein.
Is it working yet?
By the way, wouldn't it be cool to have a bumbling crime caper film starring Brad Pitt, Tom Cruise, Michael Jackson, and Saddam Hussein battling Oprah?
Hmm. Maybe now it's working. Time shall tell.

PS: Ann Coulter is a man.

AFI's 100 best lines...

I swear they make these lists just to get people talking and make them mad. I've been perusing the 400 nominees for the American Film Institute's 100 movies, 100 quotes list. They've put catch phrases in there. Catch phrases! Things like "All-righty then!", or "Yeah, baby!" are put alongside great lines like Airplane!'s "Looks like I picked a bad week to stop sniffing glue...".
And where are my favorite lines? Where is Fight Club's classic Marla Singer line: "My God! I haven't been fucked like that since grade school!"

What I'm getting at is the difference between great writing and great lines. Great writing:
from Team America: World Police:
Spottswoode: Please, Gary, I'm not from Hollywood. I'm not going to fuck your mouth and my time is extremely valuable.
Gary: Jesus! This is a nice limo!
Spottswoode: Yes it is. Now, suck my cock.Just kidding!

Gary Johnston: OK, a limousine that can fly. Now I have seen everything.
Spottswoode: Really? Have you seen a man eat his own head?
Gary Johnston: No.
Spottswoode: So then, you haven't seen everything.

Great lines:
"You complete me."
"Heeeere's Johnny!"
"I want you to hit me as hard as you can."
"I'll be back."
"I am your father."
"As God is my witness, I'll never go hungry again!"
"Here's looking at you, kid."
"They can take our lives, but they'll never take our Freedom!"
"I love the smell of napalm in the morning!"
"Snakes. Why'd it have to be snakes?"

The difference is that one shows a great deal of writing skill, and one transcends both page and performance and burns into your brain. Look at the lines above. Chances are, you can name at least 8 of the 10 movies I took them from, and you know the scene, who said it, what happened before, what happens next, etc.
Whereas, if I suggested "Excellent!". Some of you might say Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure, where others would think fondly of Monty Burns. A great line has to be great outside of the context of the film, not just as something that's fun to shout at your coworkers. Look at me ramble. I hate lists.
But AFI gets much credit...MUCH credit, for including the classic (delivered by wrestling God "Rowdy" Roddy Piper in They Live): "I've come here to kick ass and chew bubble gum. And I'm all out of bubble gum."
You want great lines? Go to IMDB.com
By the way, every time I read that line about a man eating his own head, I laugh. I laugh, and I laugh, and I don't care who sees me, because life is beautiful.

The world is full of interesting people...

I'm signed up for a newsgroup for Salsa dancing in L.A. I expect to get emails about where to go to dance, dance classes, salsa dancing... even a recipe for salsa would still seem relevant. But today, I got this email, which I present to you, unedited:
"I would like to thank all the readers that have contacted me and have offered their support and have acknowledge my blessing in spiritual work, which I offer with alot of love for those who are seeking spiritual guidence. Once again I would like to thank my salsarican family for giving me the oppurtunity to be in their group, because if is not for them I would not be able to help alot of you with my psychic abilities."
There's a story in this somewhere. Or at least the plot for a pilot episode of a horrible NBC crime drama... "You loved Medium... now get ready for CSI: Psychic Salsera Unit!"

Hooray for moleskine!

I got my journals in the mail recently. Ah... blank paper. Nothing quite so welcoming and intimidating. Lots to do, but things are comign together. Wedding rings have been purchased, RSVPs are coming back, I'm blogging on a somewhat regular basis...

I've made a vow not to start reading a new book until I've posted a review of the latest finished one on the book review blog. So it's slowly growing. I should do the same with movies. I have seen many since October. Just haven't had the time to write about them. Or the willingness, as many of them haven't been that great. But the reviews are coming...

I've got to draw a coloring book this weekend for all the little ones coming to the wedding. And much, much, much more.

Always Write Down Your Dreams...

I'm going to keep a dream journal. Which, I realize, sounds like a whole lot of fun if you're, say, a young girl in junior high. You know what I say to that? Well, maybe I am! Or not. The point is, I have discovered a device which has given me Timothy Leary meets Hunter Thompson type dreams.
Let me explain the wonders of the Amazing Tempurpedic Swedish Memory Foam Pillow (ATSMFP). We just got a pair of these at our wedding shower, and they are amazing. A bit odd at first, kind of like sleeping on some tightly rolled-up T-Shirts. But I sleeeeeeeeeeep so well on them. As the wedding gets closer, the quality of my sleep has been declining. No dreams. But now, using the incredible ATSMFP, I'm back on dream street.
I'm having dreams like I did in third grade (the one with the kangaroo and the flying hammerhead sharks and the Pool of Mystery)... You should have been there.
Anyway, I need a dream journal now, because the last two nights have involved the following items:
A plot for a new novel, which is unrelated to...
An island resort in a tsunami, with Moses and Gandalf dueling to see whose magic is strong enough to fight the waves...
A little tavern where Madonna was putting on a show, and I could get free tickets for dressing up in a banana costume with a Jack-in-the-Box helmet, but Madonna didn't give me the tickets even though I danced some kind of jazz ballet thing, so my fiancee went back in with me and we argued with Madonna.
Also, I've been reading a lot of Irvine Welsh lately, so there were many Scottish people involved.

The moral of the story is, using the ATSMFP is like a safe and slumber-y way of doing acid. But I've never done acid, so I can't be 100% on this. But, as I said earlier, I have read a lot of Irvine Welsh, so vicariously, I've hung out with a lot of losers who do a lot of Scottish drugs. I read on Neil Gaiman's website today that he uses moleskine's notebooks, so I'm going to order one to see what it's like for dream journaling.

The wedding is fast approaching, and I've got to buy a few things, including an MP3 player, among other expenses. So of course, my car has started acting up, my printer has stopped printing, and time is getting short. But we'll make it. We always do!